MARRIAGE COUNSELLING 2

COMMUNICATION               

One of the biggest problems in marriages are communication.

Before two people are married they have a lot to talk about, but afterwards, they seem to drift apart and have nothing to say to each other.  This is a common problem in almost every marriage – but there is a way to deal with it.

There are three things that can be done by marriage couple that could help them with the problem of communication:

  • If they can speak openly, and listen carefully to the partner;
  • When they can build each other up after fighting – and not breaking each other down;
  • If they spend intimate time DAILY with exchanging their feelings regarding things with each other.

To communicate with each other in a marriage, one has to not only speak, but also listen carefully.  Most men complain that women listen but don’t hear what they are saying, while women complain men do not listen to what they say. To listen to someone does not necessarily mean that you UNDERSTAND what the person is saying.   To speak to each other can built or break a relationship.  When it starts getting to the point that couples stop listening to each other, there is already damage control in the marriage.

Usually in a marriage there is one partner who is verbally stronger than the other.  According to the Bible, a man must be the head of the house, but sometimes you find that they are passive and the women takes the place of the head since the man is toot soft to argue with the wife.  After many years, he reluctantly accepts the fact that his wife is “boss” and he does everything she says.  In such a relationship the women doesn’t ask for help but commands held in a military type action which makes the man feel less important than her, and he would submit to the dominating spirit of his wife and eventually do everything the wife commands.

Dr. James Dobson mentions a “game” that husbands and wife’s are playing: he calls it “murder your spouse” (with words). Many times a man would criticize his wife in front of friends, later she would refuse to give him sex because of his behavior – there’s a problem.  Sometimes the wife would speak down to her husband in front of family members, this makes the man feels like a worm, and to punish her he would go searching for attention elsewhere.

IT IS NEVER THE RIGHT TIME TO SPEAK NEGATIVELY OVER YOUR SPOUSE IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE

Two things a man should never do, is tell his friends how ugly and stupid his wife is – this is unforgivable.  If he tells her that she is stupid in front of friends and she can start crying, he feels like he should receive bonus points in this game they are playing.  A good movie to watch regarding this type of relationship is the movie called “the BREAK-UP” with Jennifer Arniston.  There is a lot you can learn from watching this movie… how the man is just not willing to help her in the house, or even help his brothers in their business..  he is very selfish to do anything because it was all about him…. Watch this movie slowly and listen to every word and learn from the character that is playing against her.  It can help you in your marriage with your wife.

You will notice in the movie she gets mad for him for not bringing her lemons for the table centre-piece that she wanted to make.  He thinks it is not a big deal!  But it is… he did not listen.  She specifically asked for 8 lemons… you see, when you do not listen attentively at what your spouse is asking of you, there comes a problem… even over little things like lemons! These little things are used by the devil to bring division into your marriage.  The way to overcome them is to listen carefully when your spouse speaks and to do what he/she asks you to do… it is that simple!

It is not only the men that are doing mistakes.  Women should also watch what she did in the movie… she retaliated when he didn’t help her.  She fought back…. This is not scriptural!  Learn from the mistakes these two made… the outcome was a break-up! Don’t let it happen to you and your spouse.  If problems start, go and see someone that can help you work it out and get your marriage back on track!

The worst in any marriage situation is when you try to spite each other with things like in the movie where he invited a few “strippers” and dancers and friends to have a party in their place.  She was unaware of what he was planning and this is just not on when you are living together.  Look at the hurt in her eyes and face when she walks through the door and saw what he was doing.  Communication is the best medicine for any relationship… and not just in a marriage!

Pray together and start reading the Bible together, this is very important for a marriage.  If you and your spouse need Marriage counselling and you are close to our church in Meyerton (Vaal triangle) you are welcome to make an appointment to come and see us for Marriage counselling – it will be handled discreetly and confidentially. Shalom.

For MARRIAGE COUNSELING – contact our Office and ask for Ps. Nomsa Directly and say it is in connection with your Marriage – our Office number is 071 178 7799.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….